Can't Tell If It's Love or Lust?

By Tiffany R Hunter

So many people are settling for less than they deserve in their relationships and confuse love with lust. Love is a passionate affection for another person.Love is not only an feeling you feel deep within but also an action. I say that because anybody can tell you they love you but there actions show you something completely different. Which brings me to lust. Lust is simply a pleasure or desire.

You can be so in lust with a person that you actually may feel you love this person you're in lust with. When you actually may just be in love with something about that person or something that person has done for you, can be kind of confusing
But always remember at the end of the day your happiness is what counts. In life we have what we call seasonal and lifetime partners. Seasonal partners are people who come into your life for a short time. You may be in a relationship with this person and all but it's not meant to be for a lifetime. Lifetime partner is a potential soul mate who you have a very strong connection with and could someday be your husband/wife. This person will be so in tune with you, you have matching heartbeats. Sometimes in life it's hard to tell the difference because a person can come into your life seeming to be a lifetime partner but really not meant to be that.

Some people are put in your life to teach you a lesson or that may be your purpose for being in their life who knows only you can determine that based off your happiness. Let me teach you how to love yourself to the point that you won't allow lust to cloud your judgement when making vital decisions when it comes to your happiness and well being.

Remember there is no such thing as coincidence in this lifetime, everything is simply and will always be inevitable. Relationships and love are never easy and need a lot of work. I'm compassionate in what I do and have connective abilities to offer to anyone in their personal search for inner peace and understanding of self. I've been where you are so I understand that sometimes love brings pain but also can bring happiness. It's your choice in life which one you are willing to accept. Sometimes in life you have to go through pain in order to recognize true happiness.

Love Compatibility - How Do You Find It?

By Janet Alston Jackson

When you find love, compatibility is just as important. They are not always the same. Failing to realize this is the reason why some people find themselves in emotional and/ or in physically abusive relationships, and why some divorce.
You can fall in love with someone you see on the television screen, or you can fall in love with someone because they are physically attractive, but do you share the same interests and values in life?
There are some of us who fall in love because the other person wants us. Actually, we call it love, but is it really?

Follow Your Instincts:
I was engaged and living with Daryl, my long-time boyfriend who didn't seem to care if I was alive or dead. This was confusing, because he transferred from his job working at the phone company in San Francisco where we met in college, to be with me in Los Angeles.
There were days when he didn't want to speak to me. I could deal with that over the nine years we went in and out of our relationship up North, but since we weren't living together then, I didn't have to deal with his stormy moods which I hated.

However, living with Daryl, who also gave me the silent treatment when he was upset with me, was awkward and frustrating, especially since we had a one-bedroom apartment. There was no place to run.

I remember one time after visiting our parents in San Francisco, we drove the entire five and half hours back to Los Angeles in silence because he was angry with me about something he never shared.

If the other person is not willing to communicate and work through your problems together, or even tell you what is wrong, how can you move forward?
Daryl may have thought he was teaching me a lesson. However, he actually drove me into my future husband's arms.

I met Walter at the Red Onion restaurant, when I was with a group of my co-workers and friends from CBS Television Network, celebrating birthdays in the month of February.
Since Daryl was not speaking to me during this time, and again, I had no idea why he was mad, I took up Walter's offer to have lunch.

During this one meeting with Walter, he started talking about his dreams for the future, and was very curious about mine. I realized then that I had put my dreams on hold, but I still had continued to study spiritual and self-help materials to grow. I discovered Walter, was on the same self-growth and spiritual path. Daryl and I didn't have those things in common.

Playing It Safe
Then, it hit me like a brick, Daryl liked to play life safe. Go to work, come home, raise a family, visit friends and family and keep his good job as an ATT technician, installing and repairing wiring. He was perfectly content to follow that road. However, I realized he didn't want to grow even though he was in his early twenties, and the economy was good back then.
He felt safe in his job. And, like many people, he would learn, there is no safety in any job, only in your Higher Power.

I could barely stay in my seat as I listened to Walter talk about his aspirations. I confided that I had put my dreams on the back burner. He woke me up encouraging me to follow my dream to write books. Daryl once told me that there was no security in writing, and to stay at my "good job" as a publicist for CBS and get the benefits.

I realize he may have wanted me to play it safe because he may have been threatened with me stepping out of the box and growing despite, or without him.
Listening to Walter, I saw I was settling for Daryl and his ways only because he was familiar. We tend to do that in life. If there is a irritation like a pebble in our shoe, we keep walking around with that uncomfortable feeling. Eventually, we learn to ignore it and it doesn't hurt as much, because we are used to the pain. So we never take the irritation out of our lives. We live with whatever is uncomfortable.

Darly's un-communicative ways were like the pebble in my shoes. Actually more like a rock. Looking back, we were headed for divorce before we were even married.

Dream Big
During that lunch with Walter, I was falling in love, because he was helping me to fall back in love with myself. I was rediscovering a part of myself dreaming again. And, at the same time, across the table I was looking into the eyes of my soul mate who shared my same interests.
Silently, I made a decision to step out of my known territory. Many people don't step out. They say things like, "I'll stay with blank (name) because if I find someone else, it will be a whole new set of problems. At least, I know my challenges with blank (name)." I believe this is why some people get addicted to everything from alcohol to gambling, to keep their feelings suppressed from their dreams they never tried to follow. Life is about growing. Just look at nature for proof.

Refuse to Settle
Walter and I agreed to see one another again. I didn't know where that road would lead, but I did know I couldn't continue that same circular path with Daryl.
The next week I moved out. Six months later, I was married to Walter. It's now 33 years, two businesses, and three kids later, and we are still living our dreams together. Writing these words is part of those dreams.

How do you find love and compatibility? It will find you (law of attraction), if you are willing to follow your dreams and not settle for less.

Excerpt from "Sporting the Right Attitude: Overcoming Obstacles for a Lasting Love." Visit http://www.SportingtheRightAttitude.com for more information on relationships.
Janet Alston Jackson is an award-winning author

This Valentine's Day Reach for the Pen

By Terri DiMatteo
Flowers wilt and chocolates melt but the Love Letter lasts forever.
Storefront windows are adorned with shiny pink ribbons and dangling red hearts as the airwaves sing commercial jingles for flowers and chocolates letting us know that Valentine's Day is near.
This year rather than flip through rows of massed produced cards in an attempt to try to find the perfect pre-written sentiment that accurately reflects your own sentiments for the one you hold most dear -- why not write your own very intimate, endearing, heart-felt and sentimental love letter to personally tell your sweetheart exactly what they mean to you?

The secure romantic love relationship is built upon solid and reliable emotional bonding. Daily and in small ways intimate partners need to continuously turn toward each other[1] and communicate directly and through gestures, "You matter to me and I will be here for you -- no matter what -- because you are the most special person in the world to me."

Dr. Susan Johnson, Director of the International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Distinguished Research Professor at Alliant University and author of the book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, writes:

We are emotionally invested in these [love] relationships and they penetrate key aspects of our lives. These bonds have incredible survival value. We are healthier, happier, psychologically stronger, and we live longer when we are close and connected. This deep desire to matter to another, to be able to turn to another as a safe haven, gets lost in our culture of mine, me and myself. We forget to mention that being the best you can be inevitably involves being connected to somebody else! We are not meant for so-called self-sufficiency and the emotional isolation that comes with it.

Keeping the words of Dr. Johnson in mind it will come as no surprise that writing a love letter to the one who is most dear to your heart strengthens your love-bond and relationship. The love letter -- a deeply personal and intimate expression of soft and tender sentimentality -- benefits the one writing the love letter, the one receiving it and the paring itself.

In order for the love letter to be effective - meaning that the recipient feels loved, cherished, important and special -- the writer must focus his or her attention on the loved one and consider what it is that endears them to their beloved. As the love-letter writer concentrates on his or her sweetie, good feelings and memories will flood the psyche as tender feelings rise to the surface. This will aid you, the love-letter writer, to find just the right words that will capture precisely what it was that drew you toward your beloved in the first place and how your own life has changed as a result of their presence in your life. The receiver of the letter will be emotionally touched that their special someone has put in the time and effort to prepare and deliver something as special and endearing as a personal intimate love letter. The letter is sure to hold a very special place in your loved one's heart and will likely be kept in a special location for viewing again and again for many years to come.

The process of preparing, planning, crafting and mailing the letter -- as well as the eager anticipating of witnessing their response upon receiving it -- is a romantic gesture that will certainly get noticed!
Now for the finer details that will surely let your beloved know that they have been a source of inspiration for the romantic love letter they are about to receive.

How to Write a Love Letter
The good old-fashioned romantic love letter is intended to reach the soul of the recipient. You are opening your heart through the power of the pen and attempting to reach the heart of your sweetheart through your words, sentiment and presentation.

Set the Mood
You will need to find a private and personal space to write without distractions and you will need to set the mood to put yourself in the right mindset. Lighting a candle and playing soft music will help. Perhaps you have a song or two that you associate with your loved-one that will help stir fond memories and soft feelings. Let the setting stimulate the literary lover in you.

Presentation
It's very important that your love letter look and feel as beautiful as the words and sentiment that adorn it. Select a high quality paper in a neutral, soft color. Write only with either black or brown ink and nothing brash or harsh. The love letter must be handwritten and may not be typed, sent via email, or texted. Your efforts will demonstrate to your loved one that the care you are placing in the letter and its presentation reflect the love, respect, appreciation and the high regard you feel for them. As you are presenting your very-special-someone with a special gift that they can touch, hold in their hands and keep for a long time so make it special. The time and energy you put into the presentation is important.

The Greeting
Select an intimate, personal and endearing salutation. Don't be formal. Embellish the theme of your loved one's first name. Here are a few suggestions for the love-letter salutation:
My dearest _____________________
To my beloved __________________
Darling ________________________

Contents
In the body of the letter include the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Recall how you first met or when you knew you had fallen in love with them. You might list qualities about your sweetheart that inspire and move you or mention a meaningful memory that the two of you share. Think of a moment that you felt especially moved or touched by your sweetheart and write about it in great detail that includes your own feelings and perceptions from your point of view.
The love letter is for adults to express direct and sincere adult feelings and sentiments. It's about romantic inspiration The content should not include silly or casual jokes nor should it have racy suggestions. The love letter is about the heart, not the loins. If you are going to include something about your lover's physicality make it something sentimental such as about their 'beautiful eyes' or your desire to embrace them or hold them close.

What's important in a love letter is that you mean what you say and that you are sincere, direct and are expressing genuine sentiment. It's a deliberate and intentional gesture designed to stimulate tender feelings of love and to strengthen the emotional bond and close intimate bond between you and your loved one.

The Closing
Conclude your love letter with something upbeat and romantic. Close with a heartfelt and simple signature such as 'With all my heart... ' or 'Forever yours... ' Avoid formalities or the simple, 'Love' --- instead, make it special, personal and memorable.

Extras: The Personal Touch
To add a little extra touch to your love letter you might like to spray it lightly with your favorite perfume or cologne. Adding dried rose petals or small sparkly hearts from a craft shop adds a nice touch. For women writers, you might like to put one some red lipstick on and then kiss the paper for a special 'sealed with a kiss' imprint. For men, you might consider tracing your hand on the back of the letter suggesting to your beloved that she might 'take your hand' and place her own hand within the tracing of your own hand. A decorative postage stamp placed upside-down on the envelope is a European custom that signifies "I love you". Remember, when it comes to a love letter, it's the little details that count!

Have fun writing your love letter! And, even if you live in the same house with your loved one -- consider mailing it! Imagine how exciting it will be for you to anticipate your loved one's response as he or she collects the mail and discovers that a very special, private, intimate and deeply meaningful love letter from you has arrived. And, who can predict what type of pleasant response it just may bring!
END NOTES
[1] Turn Toward Your Partner to Create Intimacy http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/get-connected-turn-toward-your-partner-to-create-intimacy/index.aspx
Prepare today to begin to write a very special love-letter to your sweetheart!