Honoring the Gift of a Deer and a Woman

By Daka Corey

I killed a deer once. I do not treat or reflect on this act lightly. In fact, it is one of the most profound acts I know. We all "take" life in order to live. Whether or not we did the actual killing ourselves, a life was taken on our behalf every time we eat food. I believe our role is not to feel ashamed or to shrink from living, but rather to live in gratitude and to have our existence mean something. Our obligation to the lives that were given up on our behalf is to contribute to the world - to increase the light and love in the world for our fellow travelers.

I begin with this concept to help illustrate how I feel about my woman. She is giving me her most precious possession - her life. She could be doing any number of activities with any number of people, yet she has chosen to spend her time with me. She has chosen to love me. Time that any of us spend doing anything is not ever recovered sometime later. Our youth (and every human age) once spent, does not return. We typically don't know how much time we have until our end comes!
In the Native American tradition (in which I've been deeply immersed) the hunter earnestly prays for the arrival of an animal that is willing to sacrifice it's life in order for the hunter's people to live. The hunter tries to be worthy of his prey and to offer respect to the slain animal. This is both to respect himself and to assure that other animals will view him and his requests kindly. The hunter is keenly aware that without the ongoing gifts of animals offering their lives, his people would perish.
I feel a deep obligation when I kill a deer that my life be worthy of its sacrifice. Likewise, I want to live my life in such a way as to honor my woman's great love, which is freely given. She is not a draftee, but has volunteered to serve as my companion. She gives me innumerable gifts of time, consideration and caring. I want my actions to honor her, and I want to respect the gifts I receive from her. I want her to feel valued by me.

For example, when I communicate with her in person I want her to feel heard and validated. She also deserves "good phone," that is good communication over the phone, as much as she deserves my communication in any form. So when I call her, I give her my love, presence and attention, as if I were standing physically in front of her. As for physical communication, when I hold and touch her, it is not to take from her, but rather to co-create a beautiful experience together. So I follow her lead energetically, and give her what she needs rather than what I may have imagined she wanted. I am gentle, present and compassionate in my touch. I feel into her body whenever I caress her.

I want to lighten her heart. At the end of her time on earth I want my woman to say to herself: "I did well by choosing to be with him."
Corey is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach. He discovered the path of tantra through life-altering expanded lovemaking and has studied with outstanding sacred sexuality teachers. He offers coaching sessions in person and by phone in addition to workshops. His blog http://www.tantracore.wordpress.com is a resource for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing emotional and sexual intimacy.